Distress tolerance is your ability to get through uncomfortable feelings, such as stress, cravings, boredom or frustration, without reaching for a quick fix that works against your goals. Like a muscle, it gets stronger with practice. Short, timed “discomfort drills” done on calm days build the skill, so that when real stress hits, choosing a walk, a glass of water or a phone call over the snack cupboard feels more doable.
Why distress tolerance matters for healthy habits
Many unhelpful habits are really ways of escaping discomfort fast. Eating when you’re not hungry, scrolling late into the night or skipping a workout can all be attempts to make a hard feeling go away. They work for a few minutes, which is exactly why they’re hard to break.
Researchers treat low distress tolerance as a possible risk factor for a range of mental health difficulties, as a review in Psychological Bulletin describes. Distress tolerance is also one of the three core skill sets taught in dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), alongside mindfulness and emotion regulation, and DBT is used to help people overcome unhelpful eating behaviours, as a 2026 study in Eating Behaviors notes. The skills below are drawn from that tradition and adapted for everyday use. They are not a substitute for therapy.
Tolerating is not the same as avoiding
Distress tolerance skills help you ride out a wave until it passes or until you can deal with the cause. That’s different from avoidance, which pushes the problem away indefinitely.
| Healthy tolerance | Avoidance |
|---|---|
| A 10-minute walk to calm down, then dealing with the email | Never opening the email |
| Noticing a craving and waiting it out | Keeping busy so you never notice how you feel |
| Taking a break, then returning to the task | Abandoning the task altogether |
Timed discomfort drills
The idea is simple: practise sitting with small, safe discomforts for a set time, and gradually extend it. Using a timer makes the discomfort feel limited and manageable, and each completed drill is evidence that you can handle more than you think.
How to structure a drill
- Choose a small, safe discomfort (see the list below).
- Set a timer for a short period, starting with 1 to 2 minutes.
- Notice without acting. Describe what you feel in your body and mind: “restless,” “tight chest,” “urge to check my phone.”
- Breathe slowly through it.
- When the timer ends, rate the discomfort from 1 to 10, and note whether it rose, peaked or faded.
- Add a minute or two next time once it feels manageable.
Drill ideas
- Craving wait: when a craving shows up and you’re not hungry, set a timer for 5 minutes before deciding. Build up to 10 or 15.
- Phone wait: when you feel the urge to check your phone, wait 2 minutes first.
- Stillness: sit without doing anything for 3 minutes. Notice the urge to get up or reach for something.
- Last-minute push: during a walk or workout, add one more minute when you want to stop (only if you feel well and it’s safe).
- Boredom: wait in line or in a waiting room without your phone.
Most people discover that urges rise, peak and fade if they don’t feed them. Seeing that happen a few times is often the turning point.
In-the-moment skills for high stress
Drills build capacity on calm days. On hard days, you need quick tools. Keep two or three you like on a card or in your phone.
Slow breathing
The NHS describes a simple breathing exercise for stress: breathe in gently through your nose and out through your mouth, counting steadily from 1 to 5 on each breath if that helps, and continue for at least 5 minutes. It works best when practised regularly, not only in a crisis.
Cool water
Splashing cool water on your face or holding a cold cloth to it for a few seconds can help interrupt an intense wave of emotion. Keep it gentle, and check with your doctor first if you have a heart condition or other medical concerns.
Move your body
A brisk walk, climbing a few flights of stairs or a short burst of movement can use up the restless energy that comes with stress. Choose something that is safe for your fitness level.
Distract on purpose
Planned distraction is a healthy short-term tool when it has an end point. Try:
- A puzzle, a few pages of a book, or a short podcast episode
- A quick tidy of one drawer or shelf
- Texting or calling a friend
- Making a warm cup of herbal tea or hot chocolate and drinking it slowly
Soothe your senses
Engage each sense with something calming: soft music, a warm blanket, a favourite hand cream, a window with a view, a slow cup of something warm. Build a small “calm kit” you can reach quickly.
Acceptance: stop fighting what you can’t change right now
Some stress can’t be fixed in the moment: a traffic jam, a difficult diagnosis, a tense family situation. Fighting reality adds a second layer of distress on top of the first. Acceptance doesn’t mean approving of the situation. It means saying, “This is how it is right now,” and then choosing your next step from there.
A quick acceptance practice: name the situation in one sentence, name the feeling, and then ask, “What’s one helpful thing I can do in the next ten minutes?”
Weigh the pros and cons before acting
When an urge is strong, take two minutes to write a quick pros and cons list for acting on it versus riding it out. Include how you’ll feel tonight, tomorrow morning and next week. Seeing the longer-term picture on paper often makes the choice clearer. Our article on stress and eating habits covers the link between the two in more depth, and our post on emotional eating has more ways to respond to feelings without food.
Build it into everyday life
- One drill a day: pick one timed discomfort drill and do it once.
- Know your triggers: notice the times and situations where stress tends to lead you off plan, and decide in advance which skill you’ll use.
- Track progress: note how long you managed to wait and how intense the urge was. Watching those numbers change is motivating.
- Look after the basics: sleep, regular meals and movement all make stress easier to handle. See our guide to stress management for more.
When to check with a professional
These skills are for everyday stress. Please reach out to your doctor or a mental health professional if your distress feels overwhelming or constant, if you’re using food, restriction or exercise to cope in ways that feel out of control, or if you have thoughts of harming yourself. In Canada, you can call or text 9-8-8 any time for suicide crisis support. For concerns about food and eating, the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC) offers a free helpline and live chat.
Key takeaways
- Distress tolerance is the skill of riding out discomfort without a quick fix that undermines your goals.
- Timed discomfort drills build the skill on calm days, starting with 1 to 2 minutes.
- Keep a short list of in-the-moment tools: slow breathing, cool water, movement, planned distraction and soothing.
- Acceptance means facing what is happening right now, then choosing one helpful next step.
- Get professional support if distress feels overwhelming or eating feels out of control.