“I deserve this” usually shows up right before a treat that doesn’t actually match how you want to feel tomorrow. The reframe is simple: you do deserve something after a hard day or a real win, so give yourself a reward that fits the effort and leaves you better off. That might be rest, an experience, something useful for your goals, or recognition from people who care. Food can still be part of celebrations; it just stops being the only way you say “well done.”
Why food became the default reward
Food rewards are learned early. Many of us were given candy for good behaviour, dessert for finishing dinner, or a treat after a shot at the doctor. As adults, the pattern continues: a tough meeting, a finished project or a good week at the gym gets “earned” with takeout, sweets or a second helping.
A few reasons this gets sticky:
- It’s fast and easy. A treat takes seconds to get and delivers instant pleasure.
- Stress adds fuel. Harvard Health explains that during ongoing stress, the hormone cortisol can increase appetite and the motivation to eat, and high-fat, sugary “comfort foods” seem to push people toward overeating.
- Restriction raises the stakes. If you’ve been very strict, food starts to feel like the only real reward, which makes “I deserve this” louder.
The problem with strict dieting and “earned” treats
When you cut too hard, cravings tend to grow. Mayo Clinic notes that severe calorie limits, eating the same foods repeatedly and banning treats can intensify cravings, especially when emotions are high. It suggests eating satisfying amounts, varying your foods and allowing an occasional treat.
That’s an important part of the reframe. The goal isn’t to make treats forbidden. It’s to stop using them as the main way to cope with stress or mark success, so they go back to being an ordinary, enjoyable part of life.
Step 1: Ask what you actually need
“I deserve this” is often code for something else. When the thought shows up, pause and ask: what do I need right now?
| If what you really need is… | A better-fitting reward might be… |
|---|---|
| Rest | An early night, a nap, a bath, 20 minutes with a book |
| Comfort | A cozy blanket and a favourite show, a herbal tea, a call with someone who gets you |
| Fun | A game night, a movie, a walk somewhere new |
| Recognition | Telling a friend about your win, writing it in a journal |
| A break from responsibility | Asking someone else to make dinner, skipping a chore guilt-free |
| Something to look forward to | Planning a day trip, booking a class, adding to a “wish list” fund |
Canada’s food guide encourages people to be mindful of their eating habits, including asking why you ate and if you were actually hungry. Those same questions help you separate “I’m hungry” from “I need a reward.”
Step 2: Build your non-food reward menu
Make a list in advance, sorted by size, so you’re not inventing a reward when you’re tired.
Small (daily wins)
- Ten minutes of a favourite podcast or playlist
- Sitting outside in the sun
- A sticker, checkmark or coloured dot on a habit tracker
- A long shower with a nice soap
- Texting a friend about your win
Medium (weekly goals)
- A new book, puzzle or craft supply
- A movie night or museum visit
- New workout socks, a water bottle or a resistance band
- An afternoon off from a household task
Large (milestones)
- New walking shoes or workout clothes
- A class or lesson you’ve wanted to try
- A day trip or outing with family
- A massage or a piece of art for your home
Step 3: Link rewards to effort, not just results
If the only thing you reward is the number on the scale, weeks of good effort can go uncelebrated. Reward the behaviours you control:
- Walking on four days this week
- Packing lunch every workday
- Getting to bed on time five nights in a row
- Pausing before an “I deserve this” snack, even once
For more on why these smaller wins matter, read our article on celebrating small victories.
Step 4: Make rewards predictable
Rewards work best when you know exactly what earns them. Write it down: “Ten tracker dots equals a new book.” A simple chart on the fridge or a note in your phone keeps the link clear. Clear goals and steady feedback also make it easier to keep going on ordinary days, when motivation is low.
Step 5: Make it a ritual
Rituals turn rewards into habits. Some ideas:
- Every Friday evening, review your week and choose a reward from your menu.
- Keep a “wins jar” and add a note each time you hit a goal; read them at the end of the month.
- Share weekly wins with an accountability partner or family member.
What about celebrations with food?
Birthdays, holidays and family dinners often centre on food, and that’s fine. Enjoy the meal and the people. The reframe is about everyday “I deserve this” moments, not about skipping cake at a party. At celebrations, a few habits help:
- Eat regular meals beforehand so you don’t arrive starving.
- Choose the foods you truly love and skip the ones you don’t.
- Make the conversation, games or activity the main event.
- Drink water or sparkling water; skipping alcohol supports better sleep and your weight goals.
When you slip
Sometimes the old reward will win. That’s normal. Mayo Clinic suggests that after an emotional eating episode you forgive yourself, start fresh the next day and plan how to prevent a repeat. Ask what you really needed in that moment and add a matching non-food option to your menu. Our article on mindset for weight loss has more on bouncing back.
When to check with a professional
If eating to cope feels out of control, happens often, or comes with strong guilt, shame or secrecy, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. In Canada, the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC) offers free, confidential support.
Quick takeaways
- You do deserve rewards; choose ones that leave you feeling better tomorrow.
- Ask what you really need: rest, comfort, fun, recognition or a break.
- Keep a menu of small, medium and large non-food rewards ready.
- Reward effort and habits, not only results.
- Allow treats as a normal part of life so they lose their “forbidden prize” power.
FAQ
Does this mean I can never reward myself with food?
No. Enjoying a favourite meal or dessert is fine. The aim is to have other options, so food isn’t the automatic answer to every hard day or every win.
What if non-food rewards don’t feel as exciting?
At first they may not. Pick rewards you genuinely want, make them specific, and give them a little time. Many people find that rest, time with friends or a new hobby feels better the next day than a treat did.
How do I handle “I deserve this” after a really bad day?
Acknowledge the day was hard, then ask what would actually help: sleep, a talk with someone, or quiet time. Choose that first, and decide about food afterward.